I waited all day to get back to this writing piece for a moment. If you think about something often enough you should probably act on it just as much. All praises to the most high, such a gratitude-filled day. That's how I'm feeling, how about yourself?
I tiptoed into exposing the presence of this grand 'ol blog and I've received a tremendous amount of encouragement to keep this up. So with that being said, welcome prospects, readers and all those with positive influence. I see you, thanks and remember this is a safe haven that encourages individuality! If that's too much to handle this may not be the space for you.
Moving right along, tonight's post is brought to you by a sensitive subject known as relationships, I'll speak to this as the honest woman that I am. I recently embarked on a new chapter I'm naming as shacking up, playing house, doing the damn thing. As a woman, in general, we tend to wear many hats especially those of us who are mothers as well, raising little humans and what not. But there is an array of relationships that matter and encourages us to be our best selves. The primary four in no particular order would be; friendship, family, professional (rapport building) and romantic. Maintaining these dynamics ultimately lead to a stable peace of mind. I'll tap into each of these with a bit more detail.
Let's start with this though. The best way to GET what you want is to KNOW what you want. There is no sort of fulfillment that another person can give you if you are unsure of what you want for yourself. Ranging from personal to professional experiences. It is not an overnight solution but prioritize time for yourself to figure it out. Often times we, I say we because I have fallen privy to this as well. I know better now, so I attempt to do better. But there are false expectations, falling for potential, hopes for corrected behaviors because we would be willing to do that much for others. Let's be clear, people always show you who they are, believe them the first time and the best apology is improved behavior.
Friendships - you know those people ya mama or ya man, woman, partner warned you about. Take heed, because I'm sure we've learned, if not I'll teach you that everyone is not your friend. But those who are a rare, genuine, sincere one of a kind find you will know it. One thing about friendships that mean the most is superb honesty no matter what. The one person that you can not speak to for months but when you link up its like you never left. Gut-busting laughs generated on the rainiest of days. Cheerleader and sidekick whenever needed. The bond that when you eff up they call you out on it and bounce back because no one else better try you the way y'all hash it out with each other. There's this notion of no 'new friends' but my thing is this, vibes don't lie and if you are pouring positivity into my life at any level we can connect until you give me a reason to shut you out. The determinants of friend vs associate vs acquaintance are totally up to you just make sure its healthy for your well being.
Family - now unlike the wise selection of choosing your friends you don't get to choose your family, cut from the same cloth, built from the same ties. If I have any kinship reading this, I love you much let's link up. We all have those dynamics that make family a touchy topic. I will just say that life is short and memories are forever. Make time for what matters. As simple as a game night or as elaborate as family vacay. Plan some excitement to strengthen these connections.
Professional (Rapport Building) - in an era where small businesses are the movement and entrepreneurial is the spirit. These relationships are essential to creating mental stability. For more reasons than one, some of us still need to work a 9-5 while working part-time on our passion. An encouraging work environment with supportive work friends and fam may be just the right amount of push to make it through. In addition to that, it is all about networking. While there may be friends or family who are not ready for the same professional support as you, that's fine, no pressure nor personal attacks. Simply, create that environment for your self, make those professional connections, network a bit and establish that community you seek. I fell in love with the Insecure series produced by Issa Rae and threw this clip in the mix for a bit more perspective. #ItsAboutPassionandHunger
Romantic - This one here is a work in progress for me to master I will shout that out to start. I want to plug in the reminder of knowing what you want for this one. Also, a thought to consider, the more you try to control other people, the less control you have of yourself. Lastly, let things be what they are and be willing to talk through the way you would like things to be. A companion should encourage you to be your authentic self with the shared goal to reflect love, health, happiness, togetherness and continuous growth. (These are my values there's nothing wrong with listing out yours).
In summary, relationships matter and there are various instances of overlap between the connection of life-long friends turned to family, friends before partners and partners drifting to romance. Don't forget about the oh-so-important rapport to professional teams of success. I will leave you with a few thoughts to tinker with and maybe even ideas to apply if you find them helpful enough.
Take some time to get at the heart of what it is you want for yourself and the relationship (I stole a piece of that from this work thing called Crucial Conversations, shhh!)
It is making memories and sharing experiences with people that matter
It Is Not 50/50 It Is being a 100% committed to achieving the agreed upon goals and coming up with solutions when faced with problems (commitment not to be confused with settling - I would love to hear others thoughts on that concept)
Do more of what makes you happy. Don't forget to start with unapologetically loving yourself first! Be whole on your own allowing relationships to be the overflow to your wellness.
Sharing & Caring,
Nani J